Jack Keefe's Blog

Tiger Would Is In Trouble

2009-12-16T12:33:00.001-08:00

Well Al they are all up set because Tiger Would has played Cover the Putter with any thing in knickers. Now every 1 wants to know if you are a famous man do all women want to make the Squeaking Aardvark with you.

Well Al I do not find that Celebrity helps your Batting Average and by Batting Average I do not mean baseball it is a Metta Four it means what percentage of women want to have Sex with you.

Like the other day I was at Sanka Irish Pub here in Terre Haute and this girl came in who was wearing the cutest shoes and sat next to me at the bar and I bought her a Brandy Stinker and she smiled lots and went off to powder her nose and came back with a difrent pair of shoes on with little spiky round heels that is how you know an Indiana girl likes you. Well she said what broad Shoulders I had and how she likes men with broad Shoulders and I said it is no wonder during the season I pitch for the Chi. White Sox. And she said ooooh a baseball player I know it what was your Won Lost record last year. I said that Won Lost record was not a good Parometer for judging Pitchers and she said so what is your WHIP. I thought she was getting fresh and I said I only take my whip out if I know its for a good cause and she laughed and took out a Lap Top and opened Microsoft Axle Al. She figured my FIP and my WHIP and my DIPS and my NARWHAL and then she said Sugar I really can't accept a drink from you I got a little peeved and showed her that I have a World Serious ring but by this time she was slipping her walking Shoes back on. Now you may think it is all a life of Feather Beds in the majors but I have been Silly Bate since Twenty Oh Six and part of it is there are just too many God Dam statistics on the Web they print every thing now except the Girth of your Member and I blame Sean Forehead.

Ted Williams Head is in Trouble

2009-10-02T06:07:00.000-07:00

Well Al now they are all up set because some kids at a deep freeze lab took the head of Teddy Ballgame and smasht it on a tuna can and sent little splendid Splinters of his brain pan all around the room. This goes to show you Al you must make carefull plans for your Earthy Remains. I myself have sined up to be shot into space on the Voyager star ship but not all of us Sox see things that way. A.J. Pierogi wants to chained to six dirt bikes facing difrent directions and mismembered and then fed to Coyotes. German Die wants to be tipped into a Glacier and found again 40 Thousand Years later in his Sox Uni. Scott Poinsettia says he does not want to die at all he just wants to run around the bases faster and faster till he turns into Butter. Mark Burly wants to go where ever Jimmy Hoffa went. Ozzie Guillen says he would like a traditional Vennasylvanian departure where they chop you with machetes set you on fire launch you from a cannon and then seal you in concrete and then no 1 will play footsie with his severaled head. Paul Conoco says he just wants to be traded to Kansas City.

Whats on Primer lately

2009-09-17T12:53:00.000-07:00

Well Al on Primer yesterday we had a discussion of the Barack Obrella Health plan and the usual fifteen lawyers and colledge Proffs and Certifiable Pubic Accountants talkt. Yet when you read the thred the only person who makes any sense is some 1 named Meat Wad. That tells you allot about America today Al four instance if you are sick and you make $400K like me you have Insurance and if a fraction of my Tommy John Tendon gets out of Whack Mr Reinsdork will wisk me to Rush Street Presbyterian and they will replaice it for free with the sinews of a Nostrich. Yet if some 1 who does not play big league ball has Dialabetes and no Insurance then they must Waist away and they cannot even sell a Kidney to get better because the Dialabetes shoots their Kidneys all to Hell like my pal Winfred Brimley says on TV. Now most Liberaltarians think this is fine because if you have the Dialabetes it is because you sucked on two many Milk Duds when you were a Tot and you didnt study hard for the Essay Tee or work on your curve ball like me and so you have no Insurance and to Hell with you. This sounds like Nasty Germany to me but I did not want to Tom Goodwin a perfectly good Thread Al and so I said no Moor.

But then today Al this thread has taken some terns it was about Barack Obrella and the National Health Surface for a while and then the Post Orifice and then it settled into terms for naughty Acts and whether they were introduced into our Language by Man Loving Americans. Well Al it is a little known fact that most terms about Sexual Congress were invented by baseball players and they have some relation to our national Game Al. Take for instance a list of common hip things that young people do to enjoy 1 another in Bed like the well known 1s

Straddling the Bag
Twin Killing
Urban Shocker
Daisy Cutter
Texas Leaguer
Dialing Nine
Four Seamer
Doug Mientkiewicz

Now these may sound Sugdestive but they are wholesome activities and enjoyed by Opposite Attracting Americans and Light in the Loafer Americans and Mullet Wearing Women Americans and all stripes in Between you know me Al I throw no 1 out of the Club House for eating crackers in bed with some other Male individual if both are of age and Consisting Adults.

T-Mac Has a Albom

2009-09-17T12:50:00.000-07:00

Well Al they are all up set because T-Mac Carver has cut an Albom of song stylings what of it Al he can not be worst than William Shatner or Tiny Tim or Cher. In fact do not tell any 1 but this Fall an Albom by Yours Truly will appear on shelves it will be intitled Jack Keefe's Songs for Swinging Lovers and the Albom cover will be me throwing 1 past David Ortease for Strike Three get it Swinging Lovers Al its a Pun. Well I know you are Dyeing to hear the table of Contents so here goes but keep it under your Hat Al. Side 1 is That Old Black Magic, You Really Got Me, Vaccinatin' Rhythm, Bongo Bongo Bongo I Dont Wanna Leave the Congo, The Lyons Leaps Tonite, Istanbul Not Constantinople, and My Son Calls Another Man Daddy. On the Flip Side you will hear A Hoarse with No Name, The Monster Mash, Nites in White Satin, Moonlight in Vermont, Smoak Gets In Your Eyes, When You Find a Man with True Grit, and Shiloh When I Was Young. Plus a bonus If I Were A Carpenter and You Were a Lady which I recoarded as a Duvet with A. J. Pierogi. If this Albom sells OK Al they are going to bring me back for A Jack Keefe Christmas which any red blooded Boy would be happy to find in his Stocking with tracks like Bring a Torch Here Dustin Pedroia and The Holly and Mike Ivie.

A Kid Can Not Pitch Al

2008-08-26T06:34:00.000-07:00

Well Al now they are all up set because there is this nine Year Old who throws at 40 MPH and no 1 can see his pitches and he is not aloud to play because he is too good this is Communism Al. When I was nine years young in the Yippie Frozen Dessert League in Terre Haute In. you recall I could throw low 70s of course I was a Major League Prospickt all a long. But there was this lady Elma Mae Spassverderber who said all kids in the Yippie Frozen Dessert League must throw 15 miles an hour so that the batters could get an even chance to hit and all the batters must hit .250 and all games must end in a tie and all kids get as much frozen dessert as each Other afterwards. This is when I started to read I'm Rand and I read Atlas Shrugged and in that book it says roughly that if a man who can throw 70 miles an hour but is the Envy of his Niebuhrhood so they force him to lob it over at 15 he will be warped and lose the steely manly edge that makes us a little less than Gods and his soul will Ache and so I started in Legion Ball when I was ten and the rest is His Story Al.

Seventh Inning Stretch

2008-06-05T12:37:00.000-07:00

Now as you may halve heard Al they are all up set in NY over should Jabba Chamberlain be a starting pitcher or should he throw the 8th inning like he has been doing and some say it makes no matter when a pitcher pitches and others say if you bring Kyle Farmsworth in any time but the 7th he will blow up like the Hinter Burg. Well now all of these folks with their heads in a Sprit Sheet Al who have never plait the game they can not understand why for a reliefer it matters is it the 7th or the 8th well its simple. In the 7th inning as you know from Time Immaterial there has always been a song sung now in the early days it was Tessie or Run for the Roundhouse Nellie He Cant Corner You There or Jo Jo Dimaggio and then later on in history Its a Beautiful Day for a Ball Game or Take Me Out to the Ball Game by Harry Kiri or Meet the Mets or during the 1960s they used to hold hands and sing Where Have All the Flowers Gone and There But For Fortune. Now a days we sing God Bless America and Cotton Eyed Joe and Who Put the Dogs Out and Suite Caroline but any way in the 7th they sure as hell sing Al and that is the big Deferens. Now if you are a reliefer and your job is the 6th you just throw and if your job is the 8th you just throw but if it is the top of the Seventh you are worried am I in voice and can I remember the words and What Would They Do If I Sang Out of Tune and if its the bottom you are doing a post Morton of your singing performance and sometimes you forget where the plate is at least I have so that is why Ozzie Guillen has a new Roll for me which is Second Out of the Third Inning Guy.

Should the Mets Sine Bonds Al

2008-05-27T09:40:00.000-07:00

Well now they are all up set should the Mets sign Barely Bonds and is he a distraction because his Skil Set is so Narrow. Al these guys with their nose in a Spread Sheet do not know how baseball is played let me explain Al. Baseball is for those who can do certain things like Barely Bonds can hit a home run if he takes his stereos and Scott Cashmere can change speeds on his pitches and Joe Creed can throw from his knees in back of third base and A.J. Pierogi can run to first base in the playoffs on Strike Three. You do not need to be a Reefer Johnson or a Jim Thorpe to play the game this is no punt pass and kick Al. Now look at us Sox we half Jim Toomey who runs as fast as a Deep Freeze and threw away his first basemans mitt and Won Your eBay who cannot hit his way out of Paper or Plastic and Nick Swishy who was taught by Billy Bean never to swing his bat only wait for the base on balls and me Jack Keefe who never got the hang of the Breaking Pitch but we are in 1st place as usual and we have our World Serious Rings which I do not see on the Mets pinkies lately. It just goes to show you Al that you can not play baseball on papper you need Tools and as Ozzie Guillen always says to me Keefe you are the biggest Tool in the Box.

Why We Sox Have Dolls Al

2008-05-07T06:04:00.001-07:00

Well now they are all up set because we Chisox have life size dolls in our club house called Cyndee and Raylee but there is a miss understanding Al. Yes we call Cyndee and Raylee our Slump Busters but there is nothing Impure about it. When you are having trouble getting the old pill across the platter you need to practice practice practice as the man said which way to Canarsie Hall. So in the tunnel in the Cell we set up a regulation home plate and a rubber 60 feet 6 away and we prop up Cyndee or Raylee she bats left and Cyndee right. Yes there is a bat in their Posterior but that is just so they will stand up otherwise you know a doll will fall over it is not Buy Pedal. Now lets say I need my slump busted I stand on the rubber and A.J. Pierogi squats behind Cyndee and I fire it in there till I can throw strikes again and Ozzie Guillen umpires and says Good toss Keefe that one was at her Naval or too fine Keefe that one was at the top of her Rack. It just goes to show you never jump to Conclusions like if you see a needle in someones locker he is not always on the stereos he could be a Dialabetic or just have dwarfism and need Huge Growth Whoremoan.

Buzz Kissinger Hates Blogs Al

2008-04-30T15:39:00.000-07:00

Well now they are all up set at Buzz Kissinger who writes with an old Olive Eddy one key at a time for the finest of slick magazines and some kid Will Leech who lives in the attic above his moms garage and writes a blog on the Inner Net they were on Costas yelling at each Other I am of two mines here Al. One thing is I also am a blogger but I do not use no bad language as is wrote in Deathspin where on every page Mr Kissinger says they have comments like Hello There Fetus Face Ozzie Guillen and Frank Thomist I Like Your Manly Boobs. I make sure that all my writing is in Grammar and I use Spiel Czech. But I also think Mr Kissinger is wrong to say that Mr Leech is full of brown Stuff because he does not read W.C. Heinz or William O. McGeehan or Nunnally Johnson I have not read them neither Al and I am none the worse for Where. It just goes to show you as I always say do not take a coupla snifters of V.S.O.P. before you go on Costas or you are not likely to know what you are saying like last year when Costas had Carl Everett and Richard Dawkins and that Cardinal Rathskeller who is Pope now and they talked about Evolution and Carl had had two Mojitos too many and by minute 12 he was saying he was descented from an Ape and kissing Rathskeller's ring and begging forgiveness.

Nick Swishy Bats 1st

2008-04-08T08:35:00.001-07:00

Well it just goes to show you Al some people think Ozzie Guillen is not the sharpest Sharpie in the ten-pack of Sharpies but he is a base ball genius and he now bats Nick Swishy 1st because you can not steal first base and this Spring Ozzie Guillen proved it using the Scientific Method. In our early spring games he thought up a play where A.J. Pierogi who can no longer hit his way out of a Papier Bag could get his OBP up to snuff by stealing first base. The way it worked was this A.J. would run the count to 2 and Oh or maybe Three and One a good runners count and then when the pitcher started his move to the plate A.J. would take off like hell from the batters box running toward 1st Base. The first time he did this the Umpire calld a strike for leaving the Batters Box and second time he called A.J. out and third time he just said ^%#&^$# Pierogi and thumbd A.J. to the showers and so you see Al we have what we call Dada Points from which we can infur that you Can Not Steal First Base.

Strat-O-Matic Al

2008-03-26T13:28:00.000-07:00

Now what we need Al is Ask Jack Keefe a Live Web Chat and then you would have some ansers from a guy who does not live in his moms basement but in his very own room upstairs Al with my Pooh Bear and my Lionel Train set like any other red blooded American. Now for instance take this question that was soft tost to Bill James a reader asks What do you think of games such as Strat-O-Matic baseball? How well do they simulate reality? well I can take that 1. They simulate it 100% well like just yester day me and A.J. Pierogi played Strat O Matic he was the 1927 Yankees and I was the 2005 White Sox it was the baddle of the Ages Al. Well we were rolling our bones and who should come up but Lou Gehrig with two men on to face starting pitcher Jack Keefe and AJ said lets make this interesting Keefe I bat left like Gehrig and you throw right like Keefe so why not have you pitch to me so we went to opposite sides of the Club House and I threw him three speed balls and AJ whiffed naturally so down went Gehrig only Ozzie Guillen came out and said any more Strat O Matic in the Club House and you guys will be running back to Chi. from Twos On behind the team Bus like Forrest Flipping Gump only he did not say Flipping Al.

White Folks and Barack Al

2008-03-25T13:32:00.001-07:00

Well Al now they are all up set because Barack Obrella has a minister who says God Dam America which is what I say most nites when I watch the Evening News and I see Mr Bush hugging the Easter Bunny whilst another four boys are blown up in Eye Rack. Now Al I will explain what white Folks want from Obrella which is easy four me to do because I am a typical White Person Al at least so says Mr Williams and Ozzie Guillen just the other day Ozzie Guillen said to me Keefe you are as white as bleached coconut milk. What white Folks want from Mr Obrella is this he should be a black Person but he should not know any other black People. So lets say Mr Farrah Caan says he knows Obrella then Obrella must say I know no Farrah Caan I denounce and rebuke him. And then Rev Wright says he has known Obrella since he was a pup and Mr Obrella must say I know Thee Knot. It is like Mr Ernie Banks once told me about his days in Chi. before I was borned he said to me once Keefe it was like this I could be on the Cubs and I could have a Roommate of Color like Gene Baker but they did not like to see us Frater Noise with other Ball Players of color or we would not longer be popular in Chi. or with any white fans. It is sad to say that Al but you see what typical white Persons are like now my self I do not care if a Ball Player is white or black or brown or yellow though I draw the line at Teal but some folks are not like this when we won the World Serious in '05 there were some Sox who shall be nameless but if they came into the Club House and German Die was standing next to Carl Everett they would reach for their phones and dial halfway to Nine One One before they remembered these guys were our Team Mates Al.

Hilary or Barack Al

2008-03-05T13:37:00.001-08:00

Well Al what every 1 is now dying to know is whether I Jack Keefe support Hilary Clinton or Barack Obrella. Well as you know Al I am registered to vote in Texas where I half a Pedo Tair from my days when I played for the Boise Idahoes in the Deaf Smith League so yester day I drove back to Texas from Two's On and I voted for Hilary in the a.m. and then for Barack at nite. They have it set up in Texas where you can vote twice or more times last nite at the Mothers of Invention Elementary School in Boise they ran out of sign in sheets at the caucus sowe had to use coloring book pages and I got a little carried away and wrote in the whole starting line up of the '05 Sox and I had Conoco and Little Gucci for Barack and German Die and Chris Widget voting for Hilary and Carl Everett voting for William Jennings Bryan and this morning I read we had 230 per cent turn out in Deaf Smith and Mark Burly is chosed county delegate for Joe Biden.

Hunter Pez is Hurt

2008-02-19T11:45:00.001-08:00

Well Al I guess you have heard the big news of the week in Spring Traneing which happened over in Fla. Hunter Pez of the Houston club got hurt did I put that HDML in rite Al. Pez says silly him in the middle of the nite he and a pal got up to take a Ja Cousy and his buddy left a door of invisible Glass shut and Pez was so X cited about his bath he went running full Tilt into the door and suffert Full Frontal Pain in the Glass. Al now you may say Pez was half seas over but I have knowed him since he was a track star at the University of Texas at Anywhere and the lad takes nothing but a nitely Root Beer. People will scoof Al but Ball Players do things strenuously and are at Risk just this week here in Twos On Bobby Jinks put too much Wasabby on his Arizona Roll and burnt his Soft Palette whilst German Die tried to lift up the back end of the team Bus and hurniated a Disk and A.J. Pierogi drank sixteen dry Manhattans and bonked his head on a Urinal at Slippery Sams Saloon though I guess you could say the latter was AJ's own Fault.

Two's On For Sure

2008-02-16T12:41:00.000-08:00

Al I am in Two's On at Spring Traneing and today I played Soft Toss with my old pal A. J. Pierogi it is a game where the name says it all you just toss the old horse hide softly only A.J. likes to shy every 3rd one at your cup and you have to react quickly Al. Now our new OF Nick Swishy is a Internet surfer and he says when you blog you have to put in a link to some thing in the news well today I read that the Boston Patriots have gave all their shirts and caps that say 19-0 Super Bowl LXIX Champions to some kids in Knickeragua that have no shirts and caps. Now this gives me an idea because you know Al I did not think we could lose the World Serious in Ought Six and so I had five K of bandannas made up that said Chisox World Champs and last year I thought I would hedge my bets and I just had a thousand Pogs prinned that said Chisox Central Division Third Place Winners and I could not sell nary a 1. But now Nick says I can give them away to kids in the 3rd World and write them off my Ten Forty what a break Al plus I will not have to check an extra bag on my way back to Chi. once we are done Traneing.

Still in O'hair

2008-02-15T12:59:00.000-08:00

Well Al I am still on the Tar Mack but we get daley updates of what occurs in the out side world via CBS Eye on American. Now they are all up set because Roger Clemens says that Andy Petty is a misrememberer or in plane English a lying sack of Doo. But there is a Congersman who says that Andy Petty is a hero and people do not know which weigh is up. Petty says that McAfee has injested him with Stereos and Human Girth Whoremoan and injested Roger Clemens while he was at it and McAfee says likewise he's sure and Roger Clemens says that they couldn't spit out the truth if it was a wad of Juicy Fruit now all I can say is I half never seen Stereos in the club house and Ozzie Guillen would not allough it and some say our 1B Jim Tumi has stuck stereos in his Keister but if you knew Tumi you know that even when he eats a Salad he washes every leaf three times in Dassanny water he will not take in a im pure thing Al.

On My Way to Two's On

2008-02-14T10:59:00.000-08:00

Well Al I am bloging from a run way at O'Hair Air Port be cause this year I have decided to fly to Two's On on a jet airplane rather than put any more miles on my flivver. My flite to Two's On by way of Kansas City left on time this AM and we have gone about two hunderd feet and we are sitting on the Tar Mack Al. Now as you know in some states there is laws that say if you put say 200 people on an air plane then you must feed and clothe them if you in tend to keep them on the runway over night but not in Illinoise as of yet. We have no lites or water and we are 485th for take off but they said I could use my potable electronic devise so guess what Al I am entering a new chapter in Jack Keefes Blog and I called Ozzie Guillen on my cell phone and he said Keefe any chance they will just wheel you onto a siding and for get about you and I said Skip if I get snowed in I will dig my way to Sox Park come opning Day.

I am Bloging Again

2008-02-13T15:17:00.000-08:00

Well Al this is your old pal Jack Keefe and as you know I have not blogged in donkeys years and not only as I said at the time it is hard to pitch in the Major Leagues and blog every day but also I have been a little deepressed because we White Sox have not won a World Serious since Two Thousand and Ought Five but as Ozzie Guillen always says Las penas con pan son menos which he says means eat a plate of spagetti and forget about it and this is my motto from now on.

Now Al as you have heard unless you live under a Rock they are all up set about Roger Clemens and has he used Human Growth Hormone and also his wife who wanted to fill out her top for the Swim Suit Issue now if you ask me less is more in some locations but there is no Accounting for Tased. Now here is the question did Roger really use Human Growth Hormoan and if you ask me Al he has not grown a bit since he was a Rookie and as pitchers go his Size is in the Mid Range I asked Bobby Jinks who is quite a bit more Ampoule than Roger if he used Human Growth and Bobby said Jacko I got to be this size by applying the Baconator so you see Al just looking at a guy you can not tell if he In Jests.

Bloging is Hard Al

2006-06-16T10:04:00.000-07:00

Well Al now the world wants to know why does Jack Keefe not blog more I tell you Al it is hard and there are weeks wen I do not field like it. This life of a ball player is not all milk and Maypo we are hardly in 1 city like Settle when we must pack our bags for Tarpon Bay. For 2 weeks Cris Widget's lap top was out of juice and when we finally got it refilled the Z fell off his keyboard so I could not type Ozzie Guillen. That is all I can say 4 now but the boys on Primer say I should blog more and may be when we get into the Stritch Drive I will Al.

Playing in the Reign

2006-05-03T07:51:00.000-07:00

Well Al you saw yester day if you were watching E-Span that we plaid a morning game in Cleveland in the pouring rain which is about as much fun as washing a whippet that has crawled through a sewer pipe. We lost the game 10-1 or something and because it was a morning game after a nite game Ozzie Guillen let Burly throw about 179 pitches because Burly loves the rain so much he is a mudder Al. I did not play because I was the hero of the nite before and now we are back in Chi. to play the Marooners. 1 thing about a morning game is that Chris Widget got to catch in stead of gather splinters in his rear end which Al is his speciality. I ast Widget how he gets through those long nites on the bench he says he carries an Eye Pod which has the works of Proost as read in French by Gérard Dippitydoo. Proost I said is that like the Dovinchi Coad. Something like that said Chris only it is streaming consciousness right into my ears. Well we all have our ways of coaping Al I like the crosswords and Neil Cots buys a difrent lotery ticket each state we are in this week he bought 75 of these little Ohio tickets that say It's a Hit but it was a no-hitter Al.

I Get in a Game Al

2006-05-02T05:03:00.000-07:00

Al guess what we beat Cleve. last night and Ozzie Guillen put me in the game I have been in cold steerage till now. I do not know why I got the call perhaps they are show casing me for my trade to the Yankees for such names as Shuffled and Mats Who He that have been noised. Any way it was the 7th and I was playing soft toss in the bull pen with Man Soo Lee he is our Asian American catcher there when I heard a big shout and it seems Hugh Hefner of Cleve. had hit a grand slam off of Brenda McCarthy the kid was devistated. So the bull pen phone starts to ring off the hook and Ozzie Guillen asks Art Kusnyer Art he asks who have you got up and Art says no one and I say Art what am I chopped liver so Art says there's always Keefe and then he holds the phone away from his ear as if some 1 was hollering. So what happens but I enter the game and quickly two guys make out and there must have been an out already cause I was back in the dug out and A. J. Pierogi was mussing my hair. So as I say Al we got the win and I am credited with a Hold and a Saved Save.

My Contract Talks

2006-05-01T11:24:00.000-07:00

Al as you know I make $312 thousand a year which is less than the minimium I do not know quite Y but Ozzie Guillen thinks I am under a grand feather Clause. This will not do Al as I am in my prime and must start urning in baseball you retire at 33 and you must have a penchant to support you in your golden Years. Now today I went in to see Mr Williams and told him I must make $17 million next year and if he does not like to pay that he must trade me to the Yankees and they will pay $14M of it and he will only be on the Hook for three. Mr Williams said Keefe why would you want to leave Chi. it is close to your home in Terre Haute and every 1 loves you here. I said Mr Williams it is not about the money or the love but I would never of sined with Chi. if I would have knowed that you were not trying to compeat. I would have sined instead with the Houston Asteros or Cincinati if I had known it would just of been me and these 24 kids. Mr Williams I said I need to play on a winner and the Sox have only won the World Serious once since I have been here and we have not even made the play offs in over six months. Mr Williams said Keefe I will think about it but mean while I am fining you $15 thousand for insupportination and I said Mr Williams I will gladly pay my fine and take my Medisin it is a matter of Principal.

Our Beauty Tips

2006-04-27T05:11:00.000-07:00

Al 1 question we are often asked is how do ball players manage to look so good. It is a sweaty profession but unless its August in Florda we all look freshly manucured and even in Tamp A Bay they have air conditiening Al. Well many are the secrets of male beauty and here are some. The first thing is the beard. Al I have no beard I am clean shriven. But many ball players have a cute tuft on the chin or maybe side burns or they might have a Seoul Patch. 1 Thing the fans do not remember is that not every big leaguer is as old as Jolio Franco. Some of these kids have just quit high school and not even been to a college like Corn Hell or Ivy Tech Kokomo. Take Brenda McCarthy on our club he can not even grow wiskers. So many is the lad who grows a goadee and then to balance their head in back they grow a Mullet Al. Next thing that all hitters must do is stick stickies under their eyes in dark colors to propel the sun away from their eyes some of the vetrans use lamp Black but now there are stickies you can press apply and they say Nikey or some such. Last thing is an Ear Ring which I do not wear Al I once went to Cathys Pursing Hut at the Honey Creek Mall and ast for the Twofer One Ear Lob Special but the girl took out her pursing gun and I fainted dead away and had to be revived with a extra large helping of Dipping Dots what a day that was.

Home Runs for the Sox

2006-04-26T04:52:00.000-07:00

Well Al as you know we won yeasterday 13-3 and how many home runs did we hit I lost count. German Die hit two and Conoco the oaf hit 1 and Joe Creed and even little Gucci hit one he skipt around the bases for joy after wards it was a site to be wholed. They say that there is more home runs hit this April since any April since Umpteen Ninety Six and why is that Al theories abound. Some say stereos but we know that is a thing of the Passed. Some say the baseball is springier it is now made of Indian Rubber. Some say it is that most of them are hit against Seattle which has pitchers who should be in single A. Jim Tumi says that globle warming has led to a lower coefficient of Gravity which makes sense to me Al. Al if you have any theories standing around your water cooler in the office there in Terre Haute send them in and post them on my Blog your guess is as good as Hours.

Were on Top Al

2006-04-22T06:22:00.000-07:00

Al were do the days get to it has been 2 weeks sins I have blogd well for 1 thing the Sox have been motoring into 1st place a top the Amercan League and I have been pretty busy. Not pitching purr say Al as Ozzie Guillen has kept me mostly in reserve but when a club is as focused as us Sox there are a lot of things I have to do like get coffee for German Die and Potsetting which some say is a PEZ Al but I make it half decaf and half French Rowst. I always pick up a New Yorker for Chris Widget who reads the lads stories after lights out in the team hotel and lately I have had to make sure that Jim Tumis fetish objects are laid out around his bed every nite its not what you are thinking Al for Tumi is not the type to be into leather or whips but he has small carved images of wilderness beasts like the elk and the mighty grisly bear with Tim Salmon in its mouth and these he has me place at the Cardinal directions of the compice while he sleeps. It must work Al because last nite Tumi hit another home run off of Yoohoo Santana which is next 2 impossible hitting a homer of Santana is like Rob Snider winning a Oscar.

This is Blogging Al

2006-04-10T14:19:00.000-07:00

Well Al we just beat Det. and here I am in the club house blogging on my lap top though it is hard to hold on my lap Al I am down to my skivvies and the plastic is tickly cold on my knees. Chris Widget says I do not blog right he says I just rite things down. Chris Widget says that what bloggers do is keep a web blog which is what they want you to read on the web. Well Al here goes. The sights I always read are the Chi. White Sox and the Chi. Sun Times and my alma madder Ivy Tech Kokomo where they are razing money to build the Jack Keefe Ball Field. You also have not lived Al until you have visited the web sight of Ozzie Guillen with a record of his mangerial skills. People say Keefe what do you look at all day on the Inter Net and I say mostly the time of day which you can get 24 seven it beats that old clock on the telephone you used to call up and this dame would say at the tone the time will be. Also Al on the Web you can googul things and I googuled me & found this old thing which says it is by Jack Keefe I highly doubt it Al it seems to be from the stone ages but who knows could be some other Keefe used to play ball at 1 pint.

We Lose in KC

2006-04-08T06:15:00.000-07:00

Al we lost in KC yeaster day and Ozzie Guillen says boys it is not yet time to call 911 but you might at least put them on your speed dial. Gentlemen said Ozzie Guillen losing to Kansas City in April is no shame if it is the year 1985 but this is a new Century. Al you may have read in the papers that I gave up a run in the 8th well they exagerate a little. First I had to pitch to Grudzielanek and I had to consentrate real hard on his name so I could spel it right on my blog later and before I knew it Grudzielanek had hit a triple. Then who should come up but my old pal Doug Mientkiewicz now his name is a lot easier to spell its just like it sounds Mientkiewicz but while I was thinking on that and trying not to wave to Mientkiewicz because we must not frattenice on the field then Doug hits a little squib to Conoco and as usual this takes Conoco competely by surpirse and by the time the dust is settled Grudzielanek has scord. Some day I will play on a team with competent filders Al and then my ERA will go through the floor of Filenes Basement.

We Lose Again Al. Our Rituels.

2006-04-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

Well Al as you see in the papers we lost again yester day to Cleve. which means we will only beat them by about 158 games this year instead of 160 so what. Now Al a ?? I get askt a lot is how do you big leegers deal with losing so much even your 1927 Yankees must of lost about 40 games. Well this is true Al you cannot always cry in your beer and there is not always a girl named Jennifer around whose shoulder you can cry on either though 1 nite in Toronno last year but I must not kiss and Tell Al. Well to get us past the losses we each have our rituels I like to do a cross word puzzle from the Trib though sometimes they use funny spellings Al. Little Gucci preparse a green tea ceramony if we lose and a black tea ceremony if we win. German Die sings "Chicago Chicago that Toddlin town" loud enouf to wake the Dead if we lose and he sings "On the South Side of Chicago" if we win he has a nice Barry Tone. Yesterday I learnt Jim Tumi's ritual after a loss which is he stares into space and you can flick a towel at the back of his neck he does not move. Ozzie Guillen says laugh if you lose tomrrows an other day. But A.J. Pierogi smashes his bat into his lockher it has cost the club a few replacement doors you bet Al.

Instead of Stereos

2006-04-05T03:33:00.000-07:00

Al yester day we played a day game and lost to Cleve. which is to be ex pected we are still tooning up Fredy Garcia decided to throw a little batting practice I said to Ozzie Guillen Skip when you get tired of Garcias antics I am ready for the Rowtation and Ozzie Guillen said he would take it under advisement what ever that means. Anyway our hero was Tumi who hit another Home Run he will be the homer champ for sure. I ast Tumi why he does not take stereos because if he can hit so many without he could hit 74 with and be on a box of Weedies. Tumi said Keefe I would never soil my skin with the trace of a needle. To hit home runs I visualize the trajectory of the baseball. Baseballs follow an arc through spacetime and I merely help them find their destiny. I could not folow his argument but that is why he makes 14 milion Dollars and I make the minimium.

My Off Day Al

2006-04-04T05:35:00.000-07:00

Well Al some of the fans will ask what do the Sox do on their off days which yester day was one. Do you play golf well some do and do you go to the beach yes some of the new boys Jim Tumi and Javier Vaquero went to Oak Street Beach to see what its like and took shovels and pails and an umberella but Tumi got some frost bite on his toes and Vaquero had to rub snow on him. But you know me Al I am not one for the outa doors I like some culture and yester day me and Chris Widget or as Chris Widget would say Chris Widget and I we went to the Chicago Art Institution. They have some great pictures Al and they are not posters either but real oil paintings some are of nudes Al. There is 1 called American Goths which is a farmer and his old lady they look like folks you see round Terre Haute and there is an other Nighthawks which is these people in a coffee shop at all hours they look like Potsetting and Joe Creed sitting up after a night game in Cleveland. Chris Widget says that the museum is a good place to meet girls Al and I reckon he is right some Russian girls were there and he started talking to them in French Al but I say if a girl can not speak English what is their to talk a bout so I went and had a samwich in the lunchroom instead.

I Get a Save Al

2006-04-03T05:23:00.000-07:00

Well Al as by no doubts you know since I know you get Espn in Terre Haute we have started our season beating Cleve. which for us is a piece of Duncan Hines. It rained till about 1am in Chi. last nite which was only midnite dateline savings time and I got the save though Ozzie Guillen says it is no save if you are six runs ahead and pitch the 9th I said what if Cleve. had scored seven runs that would have pulled you up short Mr Guillen that would have put a spook in your push cart wheel. So I lookt in the Sun Times this morning and the box score says Keefe no save and the story does not mention me at all I think we need to keep 2 sets of books this season Al one for the Elias Brothers and one for Jack Keefe and in my book Al my record is 0-0 0.00 One Save.

Opning Nite Soon Al

2006-03-31T05:33:00.000-08:00

Dear Al you may wonder what is become of me why do I not blog well it is a hard thing some times and here is why. In the middle of March I was opning a Frosty Root Beer and my middle finger on my right hand that is the hand I pitch with Al it slipt on the cap and got hypo Extended. I had to have a middle finger Cast for the passed two weeks and every 1 on the team thought I was giving them the bird Al and Jim Tumi stared at me though I meant no disrespecked to him Al I could not help holding up the Finger. And I could not pitch Al and no more could I type this Blog. Well yester day the cassed came off and I am cleared to soft toss and soft Blog Chris Widget says on the Inter Net they expect you to blog every day or they will stop clicking on you I say tough nuts Al I will blog when I like now Opening Day is Sunday really Opening Night we play Cleaveland and I guess Burly will pitch Al he is not a 9 inning pitcher so look for yours truly Jack Keefe along about the 6th inn. in a Set Up Roll.

More Spring Serious Games Today

2006-03-07T09:20:00.000-08:00

Well Al little did I get from the spring World Serious my Ireland lost to Slophockia and then Slophackia lost to Crowateya and I forget what they did now it seems the tournament is to start in Ernest and today we find the USA playing Mexico and the Dominatrix Republic plays Vennasylvania. I like South Africa in the pool we are getting together only Ozzie Guillen says I must not say pool I must say friendly prediction contest for home entertainment purposes only. It is kind of desrted around Arzona with all the stars away at the World Serious. We Sox are hard hit Al Fredy Garcia is playing for Vennasylvania and Javier Vaziline is playing for Porto Rico and Contraries would of played for Cuba but Fidelio Castro will not let him so Contraries said he would go to San One and let the air out of Castro's tires. I ast Jim Tumi how come he was not playing for the USA and he said they only want young healthy guys like Ken Griffey Junior. He is a funny kind of a guy Al I am not sure he will fit in here yesterday I saw Tumi in the can teen trying to bend a spoon with brain waives and he said if you think you can hit the pill Jack then you can hit the pill Jack and I got some mac cheese and sat at an other Table.

My Team Eights Al

2006-03-06T11:29:00.000-08:00

Al I said I would pre-per-view the Sox season and so I will I am getting to it Al. We have a great bunch of kids some new some old and some older still like Jim Tumi who is forty six if he is a day. Let me give you our Sox lineup Al at first Paul Conoco at second little Gucci at third Joe Creed short stop Won Your eBay catcher A.J. Pierogi outfield at the moment is Potsetting German Die Brady Anderson and some others like Joe Birchwood who I was in the miners with Al he looks like som 1 fed him brockly for break fast. The pitchers on this club are Burly Contraries Fredy Garcia Jon Garland Brendan McCarthy Dustin Hoffman Cots Polite Bobby Jinks Jack Keefe and some new character whose name I forget Vasquero or Vazilene or some thing. Jim Tumi who I mentioned is our Desecrated Hitter and Chris Widget our extra catcher and we also have a youth named Raw Skload whom all the stat heads drool 4 they say Skload is an other He's Bok Choy or Erubio Durazor some 1 that is that cannot get a fair shot though he hits four hundred Al only Skload is the kind of fellow who hits four hundred on paper or in Straddle Matic not in Sox Park.

I am Worn Out Al

2006-03-03T07:18:00.000-08:00

Al let me tell you this blogging every day is not going to be easy. Right now I feel like a old Reebuck Al mostly wored out. Ozzie Guillen is a maniac he has us running every day and even though it could be hotter in Twos On it has been dry as a salt lick and the boys have been pounding the Gater Aid. I asked Ozzie Guillen why I had to run so much I do not pitch with my feet and butt I told him but he said Keefe I am expanding your roll this year. With Rowland Office gone we lack some speed and Potsetting cannot steal all the bases. You are my new pinch running demon Keefe you will be the
Herbert T. Washington who will put runs on the bored and my name in the Sun Times. I ast why Jim Tumi couldn't steel a few bases for the umpteen million they pays him and Ozzie Guillen said Tumi will steal as well he must learn Lidle Ball like all the Sox and if he misses a sign its the Charlotte Nights for him but permit me to doubt that Al.

Our Manger Ozzie Guillen

2006-02-28T07:38:00.000-08:00

Well Al now I will tell every 1 about the Chi. Sox first our manger Ozzie Guillen. Ozzie Guillen is a Vennasylvanian and speaks Spanish or English or anything else going he talks a Blue Streak. Ozzie Guillen used to be short stop of the Sox they say he used to play just like Won Your eBay only he did not hit for as high an average. Though he is from Vennasylvania he is normal like you or me he does not hit folks with mashetties or burn them alive people say that Ozzie Guillen has sacrificed chickens but the only thing I seen him sacrifice is the Runner to Third. That is a joke Al. Anyway as you know unless have lived out your life under a Rock Ozzie Guillen helps us play Lidle Ball which is a way of making lots of outs when the other team least expects it. Every year Ozzie Guillen has helped me with my language too this week end we was watching the Whole Impics hockey and I said those big old blond Swedes look tough Skip and he said I must call them Nordic Americans of Low Melanin.

Spring Traneing Starts Al

2006-02-27T06:42:00.000-08:00

Well Al I am back in Twos On with the Sox and we are ready to win another World Serious. I would like to play the Serious right now and get it over with but Ozzie Guillen says the season is a Merrython that we must win bit by lidle bit. Now Al it occurse to me that the fans do not know about me and the Sox without they have read a web site called Baseball Primer Al though Ozzie Guillen says I must say Baseball Think Factory or they will get sewed. Now we are the Chicago White Sox and we are a Club that exists in the American League. I half played for the Sox 2 yrs. after my days as a high school baller in Terre Haute and my college years at Ivy Tech Kokomo really it was more like 1 semmester Al. Then I played for Mercy Heights in the St Jude League and Mt Horeb in the Southwest Wisconsin League and other such Clubs till I made it to the Sox and now I am their bull pen. We have the most swell bunch of guys Al though this year the Sox have lost Rowland Office and Carl Everett and L-Dukey and others who made us great still we are the overwhalming favorites to win the AL flag this year largely on account of our Bull Pen which is to say me Al. I will tell you about all the Sox this week it will be a kind of pre-per-view.

Ireland is No More Al

2006-02-24T04:31:00.000-08:00

Well Al I bet you have heard by now Ireland will not be making the finals of the Spring World Serious despite the efforts of one J. Keefe it was as bad as it looked Al 3 Innings against Slovackia and they had to use the cry mercy rule. The Irish team is a great bunch of lads Al they said that baseball was great crack and I said do not say crack or Bud Selugh will ban you. The said they were just out for the Ga Cheese of it and they usually were hurlers and that you can hit a ball further with a hurling stick but when 1 of them Davey Farrell from Ant Rim tried to go up to the plate with his hurley Al the ump threw him out. We did OK loosing 17-2 but we had no Big Leaguers save me Keefe and Rafel Palmero who said that Fidelio Castro would not let him play for Cuba and no 1 else wanted him so he played under the name Rafe O'Palmer and hit 1 home run I said that's the way to pound the Bee Twelve O'Palmer but he did not laugh.

Keefe in Ireland

2006-02-22T04:46:00.000-08:00

Well Al I am in Ireland now and tomorrow I start for the Green against Slobakia in a game that will determine the fate of two lands. It is a long flite from Twos On arzona to Shannon Ireland you bet and to while away the time I brought a book Al Ozzie Guillen was surprised and askt me if the book had pictures I said ha ha anyway books with pictures are now the rage they call them graphite novels. But the book I brought had no pictures just words and small print at that it is called A Million Little Pieces and it is what they are all reading in Chi. because of Opera. It is a sad book Al the author is a Alcoholic and a Drug Addict and a Criminal and he spent his youth puking in between Dental Surgery. I liket the book a lot this Fry character writes like me Al he knows where to put his Capitol Letters. But the girl sitting next to me on the plane said sure tis all a pack of Lice this Fry had to go on Opera and con fess he never toucht stronger drink than a Birch Beer Al and as for criminal the worst one can say of him is that he can never park his car in Benton Harbor again. The girls name is Shevaughn Al and she said she would come to see me bowl against Slobakia but I said no honey bowling is in a Brunswick Lane where you rent shoes from the man who sprays them with Fungo Cide what I do is pitch but Shevaughn said pitch is a field and I said no field is what the short stop does shes cute Al.

Spring in Twos On

2006-02-21T04:29:00.000-08:00

Well Al it is great fun seing the Boys here in Twos On but soon I am to leaf and it is up setting me. Every 1 has been friendly Bobby Jinks started a scrabble tornament and so far I have scored pretty well 39 pts last night which leafs me in seventeenth place on aggragate. I have been playing catch every day and tomorrow we start Long Toss but I will be on a plane to Ireland to play for the Green in the spring World Serious on Thrusday we have a elimination game against Slobockia. None of the other Sox is playing for Ireland I askt young McCarthy if he was going to come he said no he has a Grand father clause and he will play for Jamaica and I askt Ben Greeve who is in camp with us if he had an Irish man in the wood pile and he said no he was playing for Texas so that leafs me all a lone on a flite to Shannon Al I will have to get a window seat on the left side so I do not com press my pitching Arm.

Twos On At Last

2006-02-17T06:54:00.000-08:00

Well Al I have drove more than I would have liked I dont think I stopt since Iowa except once in Two Come Carry New Mexico where I needed to P. On a drive like this I favor the Mountain Do though it tends to make you P and they have different colors now and it colors the P a little green ornge or purple depending this is the kind of thing you think about when you have drove 23 hrs with out sleep. All the boys were de lighted to see me Ozzie Guillen said he was studying hard on the possibility that I had drove into the grand canyon and would never be seen again I could see he was somewhat choked up to be hold me Al. The pitchers and catchers are all here Al Burly Contrary AJ Pierogi Chris Widget and guess who is here with us Jim Tumi who come up to me and planted a big kiss on my cheek which in another guy I would have re sented but Tumi is a Veternarian of many campanes and he is our leader now.

Some Wear in Iowa

2006-02-16T05:35:00.000-08:00

Al I have to stay up all night to night driving cause I need to get to Twos On tomorrow and some how I am only in Iowa only you know Al I am never quite sure which is Iowa and which is Ohio. Indiana is clear to me be cause that is where I am from and Illinois makes sense that is where the Sox play but some wear to the east and west and all around them are these other states mostly corn feelds Al so I could be in Ohio. Yester day I stopt at the Dutch Diner in Pimlico Illinois it is where Ronald Raygun was born in an upstairs room and they had chocklit pie which I had three pieces after a turkey club. There is not much to do in Pimlico except hang out by the grain elevator and every 1 is a Cub fan who has not heard of the Sox so I figured I would keep driving toward the west that is where the sun sets Al I am a natural navigator and now its Arzona or bust for me if I am late to training Ozzie Guillen will fine me one grand a day and soon I will have negative catch flow Al.

I am in Canadia Al

2006-02-15T05:16:00.000-08:00

Well Al I have set off driving from Wash DC where I was at the White house with the Sox cause I have to get to Twos On by Fri. for Spring training and I ast W. Bush which way to Arzona and he said go out Pencilvania Ave and turn right I drove 8 hrs. yesterday and last night got to Niagra Falls its in Canadia Al and the nice people told me at the border that I would have to turn back left again to get to Arzona Eh. Niagra Falls is a nice place Al one of the fellows here says that they love baseball here abouts and he showed me were an old time ball player Ed Delehunty went over the Falls in a barrel and impailed him self on the rocks in Umpteen Oh Three. For the love of Mike Al you see how ball players are better off nowadays they have more sense than Grampa did you would never see Ozzie Guillen jumping into a barrel to take the plunge.

I Go to the White house

2006-02-14T04:08:00.000-08:00

Well Al I bet you thout you would never see this day your pal Jack Keefe at the White house shacking hands with W. Bush and Dick Chainy. But it is true they invited the Sox to Wash DC and we were as excited as a bunch of schoolgirls getting a tour of the barracks Mrs Bush made sure we each got a slice of her straw berry cake and on the way out each Sox got a goody bag mine had a tin shareif star and little Gucci got a ninja Mask. We was standing around drinking some punch it is good punch at the White house Al they take a leader of Sprite and float a brick of rainbow sherbert in it no rum says Mrs Bush she does not want W. to go off the waggon and in vade somebody she is such a kidder so anyways I was slurping my punch in a punch cup real glass and I saw a nice looking girl in a purple suit African American but you know me Al I am not prejudist. I ast her name and she said she was a secretary name of Rice so I ast if she was related to Jim Rice but she lookt at me like I was something that fell out the litter Box. I would not want to live in the White house Al people tramp through all day and Mrs. Bush said it is hard to keep the carputs clean only yesterday Dick Chainy came back from hunting and got blood all over the East room floor mostly duck blood though says Mrs Bush knock Wood.

The Sox Are Champs Al

2005-10-27T03:40:00.000-07:00

So Al I was talking to T-Mac Carver in the clubhouse last night and he said to me Jackie I do not know why he called me Jackie it is what my old mam called me but any 1 else who does I usually punch in the nose but I had cups of Cold Duck in each hand and so I did not punch Carver but any rate he says to me Jackie How does it feel to win your first World Serious in 88 years and I said Beats me I have only been here 2 years and Carver said How special is it for the people of Chicago and I said I am from Terre Haute. Then Carl Everett grabd hold of the waste band of Carver's shorts and Carver made a little noise. That did not stop him long next Carver askt me Jackie talk about Ozzie Guillen what has he meant to this club. I said Carver he has meant a 8 month ear ache and I will be happy not to listen to his guff for the next winter or so and Ozzie Guillen passed by and got me in a head lock and gave me a Dutch Rub. Then Carver said to me Jackie how do you grip a 4 seam fast ball and I said whatever way it comes to me from the god damn catcher I was getting a little steamed Al but little Gucci passed by and Carver askt him how it felt to win his first World Serious in 88 years and Gucci said "Ate beer! Ate beer! " and poured an Old Style on Carver the boys chuckled at that.

Now I dont know what I will do for the winter Al I seem to have spent my pay and I already told Carl Everett that I would sine my Serious check over to the Carl Everett Intelligent Design Museum in Balk Springs Texas they need it to help people know that devolution is only a theory well Al there is always my old job reshelfing sports documentarys at the Block Buster in Terre Haute. I may bring Gucci with me as he needs to learn some language if he expects to play in America next year and he can shelf the Anime for he knows the Asian American alphabit.

We Win Game Three Without Keefe

2005-10-26T04:09:00.000-07:00

Al we are leading the World Serious three games to none no thanks to yours truly last night the game was 14 innings and we used 19 pitchers and none of them was Keefe. Cotts pitched and Jinks and Polite and Dustin Hoffman and Mr. Bloom pitched 2 innings & hit a home run and at 1 point we borrowed the Houston short stop Biscayneo and he pitched an inning but no where in the box score do you find the name Keefe. I had a little chin wag with Ozzie Guillen about this after the game and he ex plained my roll in games like that. Keefe said Ozzie Guillen what would of happened if we had gone 114 innings and I had used Contrary Burly and Freddy Garcia for complete games and we had got 40 innings out of Rowland Office throwing a knuckle ball then if I have no pitcher I am stuck it would be like the all star game where Bud Selugh called it a dead heat. You Keefe are my Rocco Gibraltar without you I am staring into the vast Abyss. This made me feel a whole lot better also when Mr Williams stopt by and said I still get my full share even if I do not pitch tonight so I guess I will go to the mall this morning and see if some of these guys in cowboy hats recognize me I will wear my White Sox jacket Al for luck.

Here We Are in Texas Al

2005-10-25T05:23:00.000-07:00

Hey Al people are starting to write comments on my blog 1 nice gentleman left something about Paranormal Mesopotamia and if you click it you see free ads for music that was sweet of him though Chris Widget our catcher says that it is only a robot still I am happy if even a robot talks to me Al. We are here in Texas getting ready for Game Three this Houston is a nice burg Al they have palm trees which I did not know they had that other place we play in Texas against the Fort Worth Rangers of Anytown has no palm trees it is a waist land Al. Ozzie Guillen says we must not relax in this pairadice we must play like it was thirty eight degrees with the wind hauling down out of frosty Waukegan but I say a little baking for the old soup bone never hurt Al.

We Did Win Game 2

2005-10-25T04:36:00.000-07:00

Al guess what we did win game 2 on the plane here to Tex. I sat next to Potsetting and he told me he hit a home run in the 9th Was it a ground ball to the track I said No a home run like anyone else over the fence Did a little kid reach out with a fish net and haul it in I said but Potsetting got miffed and would not talk to me. I wish I could have seen that home run but I had my parker up over my head trying to stay dry Tim Reigns he is our base coach said boys savor these moments as they pass you do not know how quickly they become mere memories and I said Coach no worries I remember nothing what soever.

I Think We Won Game 2

2005-10-24T03:10:00.000-07:00

Al I must say there are few places I would less rather be than Chi. October freezing in the rain and me with only a cloth hat to keep the moisture from my scalp not even a Brock a Brella. In the bull pen last night we gave each other hot foots to keep from perishing dogs and cats took shelter under out benches and Bobby Jinks passed out at 1 point we had to rub his arm with snow to get his juices going again. I do not remember the game it was raining so hard it hurt to open my eyes but at the end the boys in white were jumping up and down at home plate so I went & jumpt too it seemed they would not of been jumping if we would of lost nor either if we only just got a bunt down or a good call on on a hit by pitch so I guess we go to Texas up 2-0 Al and they better lower the roof and turn on the steam heat.

We Win Game 1

2005-10-23T05:04:00.000-07:00

Well Al you have probly heard by now we won game 1 of the Serious it was never much in doubt. The Houston club started a pitcher Roger Clemens he was once pretty good but looked a little peaked to me and mean while we got a home run from German Die and the usual home run from Joe Creed and several other scores brought on by our mad scampering which was a delite to be hold. For pitching we had Contrary let me tell you his story Al. Contrary is a Cubano American who once swum to Tampa so he could pitch for the Yankees but Mr Steinburner used him about twice and cast him onto the midden heap. Now he pitches for the Sox and though he is aprox 77 yrs old he can throw a complete game like you or me could pull on our boxers. 1 character who did not pitch in game 1 though is your freind Jack Keefe I did call Ozzie Guillen in the middle innings to suggest my name but Ozzie Guillen said Keefe I can not talk now I have the Fox network people on Line Two.

Today the World Serious Starts

2005-10-22T07:01:00.000-07:00

Well Al I am not sure I am doing the right thing here every 1 says I should blog the World Serious what is blog I ask them they said it is like a letter to Al or an email but you write it on a special screen and up it pops like a baseball off of Carl Everett's bat.