A Kid Can Not Pitch Al

Well Al now they are all up set because there is this nine Year Old who throws at 40 MPH and no 1 can see his pitches and he is not aloud to play because he is too good this is Communism Al. When I was nine years young in the Yippie Frozen Dessert League in Terre Haute In. you recall I could throw low 70s of course I was a Major League Prospickt all a long. But there was this lady Elma Mae Spassverderber who said all kids in the Yippie Frozen Dessert League must throw 15 miles an hour so that the batters could get an even chance to hit and all the batters must hit .250 and all games must end in a tie and all kids get as much frozen dessert as each Other afterwards. This is when I started to read I'm Rand and I read Atlas Shrugged and in that book it says roughly that if a man who can throw 70 miles an hour but is the Envy of his Niebuhrhood so they force him to lob it over at 15 he will be warped and lose the steely manly edge that makes us a little less than Gods and his soul will Ache and so I started in Legion Ball when I was ten and the rest is His Story Al.

Seventh Inning Stretch

Now as you may halve heard Al they are all up set in NY over should Jabba Chamberlain be a starting pitcher or should he throw the 8th inning like he has been doing and some say it makes no matter when a pitcher pitches and others say if you bring Kyle Farmsworth in any time but the 7th he will blow up like the Hinter Burg. Well now all of these folks with their heads in a Sprit Sheet Al who have never plait the game they can not understand why for a reliefer it matters is it the 7th or the 8th well its simple. In the 7th inning as you know from Time Immaterial there has always been a song sung now in the early days it was Tessie or Run for the Roundhouse Nellie He Cant Corner You There or Jo Jo Dimaggio and then later on in history Its a Beautiful Day for a Ball Game or Take Me Out to the Ball Game by Harry Kiri or Meet the Mets or during the 1960s they used to hold hands and sing Where Have All the Flowers Gone and There But For Fortune. Now a days we sing God Bless America and Cotton Eyed Joe and Who Put the Dogs Out and Suite Caroline but any way in the 7th they sure as hell sing Al and that is the big Deferens. Now if you are a reliefer and your job is the 6th you just throw and if your job is the 8th you just throw but if it is the top of the Seventh you are worried am I in voice and can I remember the words and What Would They Do If I Sang Out of Tune and if its the bottom you are doing a post Morton of your singing performance and sometimes you forget where the plate is at least I have so that is why Ozzie Guillen has a new Roll for me which is Second Out of the Third Inning Guy.

Should the Mets Sine Bonds Al

Well now they are all up set should the Mets sign Barely Bonds and is he a distraction because his Skil Set is so Narrow. Al these guys with their nose in a Spread Sheet do not know how baseball is played let me explain Al. Baseball is for those who can do certain things like Barely Bonds can hit a home run if he takes his stereos and Scott Cashmere can change speeds on his pitches and Joe Creed can throw from his knees in back of third base and A.J. Pierogi can run to first base in the playoffs on Strike Three. You do not need to be a Reefer Johnson or a Jim Thorpe to play the game this is no punt pass and kick Al. Now look at us Sox we half Jim Toomey who runs as fast as a Deep Freeze and threw away his first basemans mitt and Won Your eBay who cannot hit his way out of Paper or Plastic and Nick Swishy who was taught by Billy Bean never to swing his bat only wait for the base on balls and me Jack Keefe who never got the hang of the Breaking Pitch but we are in 1st place as usual and we have our World Serious Rings which I do not see on the Mets pinkies lately. It just goes to show you Al that you can not play baseball on papper you need Tools and as Ozzie Guillen always says to me Keefe you are the biggest Tool in the Box.

Why We Sox Have Dolls Al

Well now they are all up set because we Chisox have life size dolls in our club house called Cyndee and Raylee but there is a miss understanding Al. Yes we call Cyndee and Raylee our Slump Busters but there is nothing Impure about it. When you are having trouble getting the old pill across the platter you need to practice practice practice as the man said which way to Canarsie Hall. So in the tunnel in the Cell we set up a regulation home plate and a rubber 60 feet 6 away and we prop up Cyndee or Raylee she bats left and Cyndee right. Yes there is a bat in their Posterior but that is just so they will stand up otherwise you know a doll will fall over it is not Buy Pedal. Now lets say I need my slump busted I stand on the rubber and A.J. Pierogi squats behind Cyndee and I fire it in there till I can throw strikes again and Ozzie Guillen umpires and says Good toss Keefe that one was at her Naval or too fine Keefe that one was at the top of her Rack. It just goes to show you never jump to Conclusions like if you see a needle in someones locker he is not always on the stereos he could be a Dialabetic or just have dwarfism and need Huge Growth Whoremoan.

Buzz Kissinger Hates Blogs Al

Well now they are all up set at Buzz Kissinger who writes with an old Olive Eddy one key at a time for the finest of slick magazines and some kid Will Leech who lives in the attic above his moms garage and writes a blog on the Inner Net they were on Costas yelling at each Other I am of two mines here Al. One thing is I also am a blogger but I do not use no bad language as is wrote in Deathspin where on every page Mr Kissinger says they have comments like Hello There Fetus Face Ozzie Guillen and Frank Thomist I Like Your Manly Boobs. I make sure that all my writing is in Grammar and I use Spiel Czech. But I also think Mr Kissinger is wrong to say that Mr Leech is full of brown Stuff because he does not read W.C. Heinz or William O. McGeehan or Nunnally Johnson I have not read them neither Al and I am none the worse for Where. It just goes to show you as I always say do not take a coupla snifters of V.S.O.P. before you go on Costas or you are not likely to know what you are saying like last year when Costas had Carl Everett and Richard Dawkins and that Cardinal Rathskeller who is Pope now and they talked about Evolution and Carl had had two Mojitos too many and by minute 12 he was saying he was descented from an Ape and kissing Rathskeller's ring and begging forgiveness.

Nick Swishy Bats 1st

Well it just goes to show you Al some people think Ozzie Guillen is not the sharpest Sharpie in the ten-pack of Sharpies but he is a base ball genius and he now bats Nick Swishy 1st because you can not steal first base and this Spring Ozzie Guillen proved it using the Scientific Method. In our early spring games he thought up a play where A.J. Pierogi who can no longer hit his way out of a Papier Bag could get his OBP up to snuff by stealing first base. The way it worked was this A.J. would run the count to 2 and Oh or maybe Three and One a good runners count and then when the pitcher started his move to the plate A.J. would take off like hell from the batters box running toward 1st Base. The first time he did this the Umpire calld a strike for leaving the Batters Box and second time he called A.J. out and third time he just said ^%#&^$# Pierogi and thumbd A.J. to the showers and so you see Al we have what we call Dada Points from which we can infur that you Can Not Steal First Base.

Well it just goes to show you Al some people think Ozzie Guillen is not the sharpest Sharpie in the ten-pack of Sharpies but he is a base ball genius and he now bats Nick Swishy 1st because you can not steal first base and this Spring Ozzie Guillen proved it using the Scientific Method. In our early spring games he thought up a play where A.J. Pierogi who can no longer hit his way out of a Papier Bag could get his OBP up to snuff by stealing first base. The way it worked was this A.J. would run the count to 2 and Oh or maybe Three and One a good runners count and then when the pitcher started his move to the plate A.J. would take off like hell from the batters box running toward 1st Base. The first time he did this the Umpire calld a strike for leaving the Batters Box and second time he called A.J. out and third time he just said ^%#&^$# Pierogi and thumbd A.J. to the showers and so you see Al we have what we call Dada Points from which we can infur that you Can Not Steal First Base.
OR

Strat-O-Matic Al

Now what we need Al is Ask Jack Keefe a Live Web Chat and then you would have some ansers from a guy who does not live in his moms basement but in his very own room upstairs Al with my Pooh Bear and my Lionel Train set like any other red blooded American. Now for instance take this question that was soft tost to Bill James a reader asks What do you think of games such as Strat-O-Matic baseball? How well do they simulate reality? well I can take that 1. They simulate it 100% well like just yester day me and A.J. Pierogi played Strat O Matic he was the 1927 Yankees and I was the 2005 White Sox it was the baddle of the Ages Al. Well we were rolling our bones and who should come up but Lou Gehrig with two men on to face starting pitcher Jack Keefe and AJ said lets make this interesting Keefe I bat left like Gehrig and you throw right like Keefe so why not have you pitch to me so we went to opposite sides of the Club House and I threw him three speed balls and AJ whiffed naturally so down went Gehrig only Ozzie Guillen came out and said any more Strat O Matic in the Club House and you guys will be running back to Chi. from Twos On behind the team Bus like Forrest Flipping Gump only he did not say Flipping Al.