Jack Keefe's Blog

Location: Chicago, Illinoise

I pitch for the Chi. White Sox and in the winters I go back to Terre Haute which is wear I am from.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Our Manger Ozzie Guillen

Well Al now I will tell every 1 about the Chi. Sox first our manger Ozzie Guillen. Ozzie Guillen is a Vennasylvanian and speaks Spanish or English or anything else going he talks a Blue Streak. Ozzie Guillen used to be short stop of the Sox they say he used to play just like Won Your eBay only he did not hit for as high an average. Though he is from Vennasylvania he is normal like you or me he does not hit folks with mashetties or burn them alive people say that Ozzie Guillen has sacrificed chickens but the only thing I seen him sacrifice is the Runner to Third. That is a joke Al. Anyway as you know unless have lived out your life under a Rock Ozzie Guillen helps us play Lidle Ball which is a way of making lots of outs when the other team least expects it. Every year Ozzie Guillen has helped me with my language too this week end we was watching the Whole Impics hockey and I said those big old blond Swedes look tough Skip and he said I must call them Nordic Americans of Low Melanin.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Spring Traneing Starts Al

Well Al I am back in Twos On with the Sox and we are ready to win another World Serious. I would like to play the Serious right now and get it over with but Ozzie Guillen says the season is a Merrython that we must win bit by lidle bit. Now Al it occurse to me that the fans do not know about me and the Sox without they have read a web site called Baseball Primer Al though Ozzie Guillen says I must say Baseball Think Factory or they will get sewed. Now we are the Chicago White Sox and we are a Club that exists in the American League. I half played for the Sox 2 yrs. after my days as a high school baller in Terre Haute and my college years at Ivy Tech Kokomo really it was more like 1 semmester Al. Then I played for Mercy Heights in the St Jude League and Mt Horeb in the Southwest Wisconsin League and other such Clubs till I made it to the Sox and now I am their bull pen. We have the most swell bunch of guys Al though this year the Sox have lost Rowland Office and Carl Everett and L-Dukey and others who made us great still we are the overwhalming favorites to win the AL flag this year largely on account of our Bull Pen which is to say me Al. I will tell you about all the Sox this week it will be a kind of pre-per-view.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Ireland is No More Al

Well Al I bet you have heard by now Ireland will not be making the finals of the Spring World Serious despite the efforts of one J. Keefe it was as bad as it looked Al 3 Innings against Slovackia and they had to use the cry mercy rule. The Irish team is a great bunch of lads Al they said that baseball was great crack and I said do not say crack or Bud Selugh will ban you. The said they were just out for the Ga Cheese of it and they usually were hurlers and that you can hit a ball further with a hurling stick but when 1 of them Davey Farrell from Ant Rim tried to go up to the plate with his hurley Al the ump threw him out. We did OK loosing 17-2 but we had no Big Leaguers save me Keefe and Rafel Palmero who said that Fidelio Castro would not let him play for Cuba and no 1 else wanted him so he played under the name Rafe O'Palmer and hit 1 home run I said that's the way to pound the Bee Twelve O'Palmer but he did not laugh.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Keefe in Ireland

Well Al I am in Ireland now and tomorrow I start for the Green against Slobakia in a game that will determine the fate of two lands. It is a long flite from Twos On arzona to Shannon Ireland you bet and to while away the time I brought a book Al Ozzie Guillen was surprised and askt me if the book had pictures I said ha ha anyway books with pictures are now the rage they call them graphite novels. But the book I brought had no pictures just words and small print at that it is called A Million Little Pieces and it is what they are all reading in Chi. because of Opera. It is a sad book Al the author is a Alcoholic and a Drug Addict and a Criminal and he spent his youth puking in between Dental Surgery. I liket the book a lot this Fry character writes like me Al he knows where to put his Capitol Letters. But the girl sitting next to me on the plane said sure tis all a pack of Lice this Fry had to go on Opera and con fess he never toucht stronger drink than a Birch Beer Al and as for criminal the worst one can say of him is that he can never park his car in Benton Harbor again. The girls name is Shevaughn Al and she said she would come to see me bowl against Slobakia but I said no honey bowling is in a Brunswick Lane where you rent shoes from the man who sprays them with Fungo Cide what I do is pitch but Shevaughn said pitch is a field and I said no field is what the short stop does shes cute Al.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Spring in Twos On

Well Al it is great fun seing the Boys here in Twos On but soon I am to leaf and it is up setting me. Every 1 has been friendly Bobby Jinks started a scrabble tornament and so far I have scored pretty well 39 pts last night which leafs me in seventeenth place on aggragate. I have been playing catch every day and tomorrow we start Long Toss but I will be on a plane to Ireland to play for the Green in the spring World Serious on Thrusday we have a elimination game against Slobockia. None of the other Sox is playing for Ireland I askt young McCarthy if he was going to come he said no he has a Grand father clause and he will play for Jamaica and I askt Ben Greeve who is in camp with us if he had an Irish man in the wood pile and he said no he was playing for Texas so that leafs me all a lone on a flite to Shannon Al I will have to get a window seat on the left side so I do not com press my pitching Arm.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Twos On At Last

Well Al I have drove more than I would have liked I dont think I stopt since Iowa except once in Two Come Carry New Mexico where I needed to P. On a drive like this I favor the Mountain Do though it tends to make you P and they have different colors now and it colors the P a little green ornge or purple depending this is the kind of thing you think about when you have drove 23 hrs with out sleep. All the boys were de lighted to see me Ozzie Guillen said he was studying hard on the possibility that I had drove into the grand canyon and would never be seen again I could see he was somewhat choked up to be hold me Al. The pitchers and catchers are all here Al Burly Contrary AJ Pierogi Chris Widget and guess who is here with us Jim Tumi who come up to me and planted a big kiss on my cheek which in another guy I would have re sented but Tumi is a Veternarian of many campanes and he is our leader now.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Some Wear in Iowa

Al I have to stay up all night to night driving cause I need to get to Twos On tomorrow and some how I am only in Iowa only you know Al I am never quite sure which is Iowa and which is Ohio. Indiana is clear to me be cause that is where I am from and Illinois makes sense that is where the Sox play but some wear to the east and west and all around them are these other states mostly corn feelds Al so I could be in Ohio. Yester day I stopt at the Dutch Diner in Pimlico Illinois it is where Ronald Raygun was born in an upstairs room and they had chocklit pie which I had three pieces after a turkey club. There is not much to do in Pimlico except hang out by the grain elevator and every 1 is a Cub fan who has not heard of the Sox so I figured I would keep driving toward the west that is where the sun sets Al I am a natural navigator and now its Arzona or bust for me if I am late to training Ozzie Guillen will fine me one grand a day and soon I will have negative catch flow Al.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

I am in Canadia Al

Well Al I have set off driving from Wash DC where I was at the White house with the Sox cause I have to get to Twos On by Fri. for Spring training and I ast W. Bush which way to Arzona and he said go out Pencilvania Ave and turn right I drove 8 hrs. yesterday and last night got to Niagra Falls its in Canadia Al and the nice people told me at the border that I would have to turn back left again to get to Arzona Eh. Niagra Falls is a nice place Al one of the fellows here says that they love baseball here abouts and he showed me were an old time ball player Ed Delehunty went over the Falls in a barrel and impailed him self on the rocks in Umpteen Oh Three. For the love of Mike Al you see how ball players are better off nowadays they have more sense than Grampa did you would never see Ozzie Guillen jumping into a barrel to take the plunge.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I Go to the White house

Well Al I bet you thout you would never see this day your pal Jack Keefe at the White house shacking hands with W. Bush and Dick Chainy. But it is true they invited the Sox to Wash DC and we were as excited as a bunch of schoolgirls getting a tour of the barracks Mrs Bush made sure we each got a slice of her straw berry cake and on the way out each Sox got a goody bag mine had a tin shareif star and little Gucci got a ninja Mask. We was standing around drinking some punch it is good punch at the White house Al they take a leader of Sprite and float a brick of rainbow sherbert in it no rum says Mrs Bush she does not want W. to go off the waggon and in vade somebody she is such a kidder so anyways I was slurping my punch in a punch cup real glass and I saw a nice looking girl in a purple suit African American but you know me Al I am not prejudist. I ast her name and she said she was a secretary name of Rice so I ast if she was related to Jim Rice but she lookt at me like I was something that fell out the litter Box. I would not want to live in the White house Al people tramp through all day and Mrs. Bush said it is hard to keep the carputs clean only yesterday Dick Chainy came back from hunting and got blood all over the East room floor mostly duck blood though says Mrs Bush knock Wood.